No, not to either. And that's the comfort, I suppose-that though we don't ever "get over" a major loss, we don't "get over" the love we shared with that person, either- a love that, in ways we will come to know, stays with us and continues to enrich our life over the years. We need not confuse the mourning with the image of the person we loved. If we allow them to overlap too much, then we cannot let go of the mourning because we would lose the loved one, too. But they are different, and we will do better with our lives if, as soon as we are able, we make a conscious separation of the loved person from the grief over his or her loss. Each has its place, but they don't always need to blend together.
Though I know my memory of my loved one will always carry a tinge of sadness, I will be able to put that in the background-if I choose to..
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