There is no Map of Grief

There are many lists of trite advice you can read about grief, but they may only add to your confusion about why you can't sync your feelings with the grief map created by our culture. This map tells you what is normal, but that doesn't apply to you. It was designed to keep the engine of our cultural machine running. It requires your numbness. It asks you to do your grieving in the three days allotted by your employer.
Refuse to be numb. You are not a machine. There is no time limit on how long you should be sad about your loss. Days, weeks, months, and years are meaningless.
Your heart has been badly broken and know that you never completely get over the loss of your loved one. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And yet you come through. It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly- that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you still learn to dance with the limp.
Grief teaches us about who we are. Grief has a way of showing us just how deep our aliveness goes. If you have been sitting on old grief from your childhood, your failed relationships, the loss of a family pet when your were nine, or any other losses you were unable to honor in the past, this left-over  grief will also come through as you grieve. Let it.
Grief is the gift that cannot die. It changes the course of your life forever. If you allow yourself the chance to feel it for as long as you need to-you will be guided by it. You will become someone it would have been impossible for you to be, and in this way your loved one lives on, in you.