Grief and the Holidays

 

Holidays mark the passage of time in our lives. They generally represent time spent with family. But since holidays are for being with those we love the most, how can anyone be expected to cope with them when a loved one has died? How can you celebrate togetherness when there is none? Holidays magnify the loss. You can and will get through them. You don't have to be a victim of the pain or the past.
Here are some things to help you whether you are grieving the loss of a parent, friend, pet, spouse, or child.
Don't ask too much of yourself.  Ask for help. You'll get it. People want to help but don't expect them to know how. They'll be thankful they could do something for you.
Change traditions.  Create new traditions that make sense for the reshaped family you have become. You will begin to look forward to these traditions.
Find ways to include the ones you have lost.  Say a prayer about your loved one, light a candle, share stories, chat online about them, create an online tribute for them.
Practice self-care.  Don't do more than you want. Allow time for your feelings. Take frequent naps. Leave and go for a walk.  Recognize when you need some "me" time and act on it.
Allow yourself to experience joy.  Plan for sadness and embrace it when it comes. Walk right into the pain rather than try to hold it off. You will laugh again and during a holiday the love of family and friends can't help but make you smile. Your laughter will be the greatest gift you can give them.

May memories of your loved one bring you happiness during this holiday season.


Let Your Tears Flow. Let Them Water Your Soul.

Letting down our guard, releasing the tension that keeps us always on task, often invites our tears, tears that soften us, melt our resistance, reveal our vulnerability, which reminds us that we are only human. So often we need reminding that we are only human.
Do not hide from your tears. Trust their need to be present. Perhaps they need to be present for someone else, as well as ourselves. Tears encourage compassion; maybe our purpose in life, today, is to help someone else experience compassion...

Navigating Through Grief..Which Path to Choose...

As I walk this walk of grief recovery, I will take my time. I will be alert to the road signs. I will watch for other travelers of the way who may need my help, just as I need theirs.

Is There an End to Love and Mourning?

No, not to either. And that's the comfort, I suppose-that though we don't ever "get over" a major loss, we don't "get over" the love we shared with that person, either- a love that, in ways we will come to know, stays with us and continues to enrich our life over the years. We need not confuse the mourning with the image of the person we loved. If we allow them to overlap too much, then we cannot let go of the mourning because we would lose the loved one, too. But they are different, and we will do better with our lives if, as soon as we are able, we make a conscious separation of the loved person from the grief over his or her loss. Each has its place, but they don't always need to blend together.
Though I know my memory of my loved one will always carry a tinge of sadness, I will be able to put that in the background-if I choose to..

Charateristics of the Bereaved

 

*The role the deceased had in the family, e.g. the power authority in the family.
*The amount of unfinished business in the relationship.
*Dysfunctional families will react in their usual patterns-they will be dysfunctional!
*Patterns of coping.
*Past or current experiences with grief.
*Current other psychological or social problems or crisis.
*Culture, ethnicity and religion.
*A previous history of psychiatric problems or addictions like alcoholism.
*There is a unique nature to each relationship!