Understanding Teen Depression

Whether the incidences of teen depression are actually increasing, or we're just becoming more aware of them, the fact remains that depression is more common in teens than most people think. Although depression is treatable, only one in five depressed teens receive help. Teenagers must rely on parents, teachers, or other adults to recognize their suffering and get them treatment. So, if you have a teenager in your life, learn what teen depression looks like and what to do if you spot the warning signs.

Warning signs and symptoms of depression in teens:

Sadness, irritability, frequent crying, withdrawal from friends and family, loss of interest in activities, changes in eating and sleeping habits, agitation, feelings of worthlessness and guilt, lack of motivation, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, thoughts of suicide.

If you're unsure if an adolescent is depressed or just "being a teenager," consider how long the symptoms have been present, how severe they are, and how different the teen is acting from his or her usual self. While some growing pains are to be expected as teenagers struggle with the challenges of growing up, dramatic, long-lasting changes in personality, mood or behavior are red flags of a deeper problem.

Depression is very damaging when left untreated, so don't wait and hope the symptoms go away. If you see depression's warning signs, get professional help. If there are no health problems that are causing your teenager's depression, ask your doctor to refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in children and teens. A mental health professional with advanced training and experience treating adolescents is the best bet for their care. If the teenager tells you they are not connecting with their specialist, listen. Ask for a referral and try someone else. No one therapist is a miracle worker..

Neurogenesis: Stuff to do to Boost Your Brain

What is neurogenesis anyway and what's all the buzz about? Neurogenesis is simply the birth of new neurons in your brain. It has been assumed that you are born with a fixed number and you can't reproduce new ones after maturity of your brain. Not true. There several things you can do to boost your brain.

Meditation.  This is no longer viewed as some sort of "New Age" or "Hippie" trend  of the 60's. Most large corporations are providing classes on meditation and mindfulness to increase productivity and happiness amongst their employees. It's a tool that is so simple, yet so powerful. Find some regular activity that trains your mind to be still, fully present, and connected with yourself. Just like any activity, you need to practice it daily to fully reap the benefits in your life. Meditation is a wonder drug that constantly needs to be refilled.

Exercise.  Cardio exercise such as running, interval training, swimming, etc. is the most effective way of boosting nuerogenesis. Exercise has a long list of health benefits for the mind and body, and is also an important stress reliever. This becomes more important as we age.

 Diet.  Too much refined sugar has a huge effect on the brain. Avoid it. Your brain is 60% fat and the right fats are important for healthy brain function.  Rich sources include oily fish, hemp, blueberries, green tea, and tumeric to name a few. 

Lifestyle.  Exposure to sunlight is important to increase serotonin levels in your brain. Ten minutes to the face can have a positive effect on your brain.
Long term sleep deprivation reduces nuerogenesis. Your brain can recover from short term deprivation but it's important not to make  it a habit.  Seven to nine hours per night is optimal.
Doing things you enjoy on a regular basis is beneficial for brain function and helps elevate levels of feel good neurons. Plan something that makes you happy on a daily basis.

Nuerogenesis is the cutting edge topic of research. We have to power  keep depression and anxiety at bay and maintain healthy brain function well into old age.

Growing yourself new brain cells will help you live a longer, happier, and healthier life. Nuerogenisis can help you live your life with more joy, compassion, gratitude, and of course, love.

What I've Learned Through Grief

It's like an ocean, some days calm, other days, the waves hit hard and knock me down.
It's possible to ask "Why?" a million times a day and never get an answer.
At first I did not think I would survive, but with family,  friends, and faith I came to grips with the pain of grief.
Birthdays and holidays will always be hard. Find a different way to look at things and let go. They will come around every year. Learning to cope is part of the grieving journey.
You'll wonder how people can go on with their lives. Don't they know what has happened? Then you'll realize how unreasonable you're being.
You will learn who your real friends are. You'll be surprised to find they're not who you expected.
You may resort to using Short Term Energy Releasing Behaviors. (S.T.E.R.B.'s)  drinking, over or under eating, excessive shopping or exercising, workaholism, sleeping too much or too little, drugs, etc. These are behaviors that only keep you from dealing with your grief.
It's OK to cry yourself to sleep. It's also OK not to cry. Every day is different.
Guilt is something you will experience. Let it pass as quickly as possible.
You will experience pain smack in the middle of your heart and is literally your heart breaking.  That pain will fade eventually.
You must talk about your grief. It's the best therapy. Share your memories, honor them, remember them, love them.
It's normal to always feel sad. Someone you love is gone. Eventually it will be OK.
Sometimes you need to just say NO. If you don't want to, then don't. Do what's right for you and no one else.
Focus on living in the moment. You can't go back and change what has happened. Accept that and move on. That is a choice only you can make. Make it. See how much better you feel. Focus on your new life and  others around you. You have something to offer them because of your experiences.
What has your journey through grief taught you?

Inside The Minds of Those Who Kill, and Kill Themselves

Setting aside the debate over access to guns, trying to understand the actions of a mass murderer has us grasping for answers..settling on a diagnosis that the shooter was probably a psychopath-cold, unfeeling, heartless.
Recent studies of the writings of mass killers come to a different conclusion. The gunmen suffered from an intense form of paranoia. Far from being cold or detached, these young men were enraged, their delusions of persecution becoming ever more intense and intolerable. They become fixated and obsessed with rejection by what they see as an elite " in-group," whom they see as having unfairly achieved success. They formulate plans to take out these elite, which they justify as vengeance for the maltreatment.
Other characteristics these killers seem to share are extreme narcissism, loners, a desire for fame, glory and attention.
Mental health experts who study mass murder-suicides found that depression and thoughts of suicide  are common, but not enough to explain such drastic and rare acts. There is something fundamentally different here aside from depression.
They want to die, and they want to bring many others down with them. For some, the targets are the purpose of their attack. In other cases, the purpose of the attack is primarily to gain notoriety, and the targets become the means to that end. They are collateral damage.
Domestic murder-suicides are almost always impulsive-committed in fits of rage or jealousy, and a majority of the killers also abused alcohol or drugs. In contrast, killers who take groups of strangers as targets plan their crimes carefully, waiting for an opportunity to act. They seem concerned about keeping a clear mind for the task ahead.. Total effort needed. Tomorrow is the big day..
Dylan Klebold, 17, of Columbine High bragged that his goal was to cause the most deaths in U.S. history.
 If authorities had known what had driven him to carry out his plan, they may not have made it public.
Perhaps not publicizing these horrific crimes is something to consider...

Dealing With Anger and Guilt After a Suicide

After losing a loved one to suicide, it's not uncommon to struggle with feelings of anger and guilt. It's normal to feel anger towards your loved one who committed suicide at the same time that you feel overwhelming grief over your loss. They made a devastating choice that will impact the rest of your life, leaving you to pick up the pieces and deal with the aftermath. Who wouldn't be angry??
It's also normal to feel guilty after catching yourself feeling anger towards your loved one. What you feel guilty about is your anger. You are not angry at the person who committed suicide, you are angry about the choice they made to end their life, leaving you behind with all the pain and hurt.
You are angry at the choice, not the person. It was your loved one that made that choice, not you. Had you know that they were going to make that choice, you would have done what you could to stop it. But you didn't know..
 Accept that you can't change what happened and you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. If you are burdening yourself with misplaced guilt, you are confining yourself to an emotional prison.
These bars are made of guilt, anger, bitterness and resentment. That kind of prison locks from the inside. The only one that can let you out is you.
You wake up every morning and choose what to think. Accept what has happened and know that the life you have today, tomorrow and the next day is a function of what you choose.
You experienced a devastating loss, but you didn't choose it. Give yourself permission to move on. With time and patience, your initial grief will subside and with this resolve comes an opportunity for a deeper healing.  The transition of your loved one will bring about opportunities for emotional and psychological healing as well as spiritual growth. This spiritual growth may be just what you need to help ease your grieving heart and transform a difficult time into a spiritually meaningful experience.

There is no Map of Grief

There are many lists of trite advice you can read about grief, but they may only add to your confusion about why you can't sync your feelings with the grief map created by our culture. This map tells you what is normal, but that doesn't apply to you. It was designed to keep the engine of our cultural machine running. It requires your numbness. It asks you to do your grieving in the three days allotted by your employer.
Refuse to be numb. You are not a machine. There is no time limit on how long you should be sad about your loss. Days, weeks, months, and years are meaningless.
Your heart has been badly broken and know that you never completely get over the loss of your loved one. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And yet you come through. It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly- that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you still learn to dance with the limp.
Grief teaches us about who we are. Grief has a way of showing us just how deep our aliveness goes. If you have been sitting on old grief from your childhood, your failed relationships, the loss of a family pet when your were nine, or any other losses you were unable to honor in the past, this left-over  grief will also come through as you grieve. Let it.
Grief is the gift that cannot die. It changes the course of your life forever. If you allow yourself the chance to feel it for as long as you need to-you will be guided by it. You will become someone it would have been impossible for you to be, and in this way your loved one lives on, in you.

Depression Will Not Go Away On Its Own

Depression is a serious mental illness that can cause both emotional and physical pain to millions of children, teens and adults. Using a combination of therapies and other medicinal approaches are often the best ways to learn how to fight depression. Unfortunately, only about 20% of individuals suffering from depression seek help. Most don't even know they have it or if they do, they don't want deal with it, much less talk about it.
Depression will not go away on its own.. It needs to be addressed or will likely become worse.
The most effective ways to fight depression are:
Therapy.  Trained therapists or psychologists will help figure out the emotional turmoil you are struggling with that might be the cause of your depression. These life struggles or tragedies include death, divorce, and poor self esteem..Learning to work through these struggles, accept them and move on is all part of treating depression.
Antidepressants and Herbal Remedies.  Some people find success in treating their depression by taking depression meds or herbal remedies, however, these meds do not work for everyone and cannot be taken with other medications so it's important to talk to your physician about this option. Recent studies about the side effects of Paxil;  insomnia, anxiety, seizure, hallucinations and suicidal thoughts, especially in teens, led the FDA to issue a black box warning label be put on this drug stating the increased risk of suicidal thought in teens taking it. Paxil withdrawal syndrome is known to be the most severe withdrawal for drugs in it's class.
Exercise and Nutrition.  Exercise releases endorphins and other hormones which elevate mood, making it a great way to fight depression. Like working out, getting nutrients through food and liquids you ingest is another way to fight depression. A balanced diet helps balance your hormones and keep your weight under control. Blood sugar stabilization is important to control mood.
Talking and Writing Therapy.  Keeping a journal of what makes you happy helps you to focus on the positive as well as getting things off your chest so you can analyze your situation. It may not be as bad as it seems..
Talking through your feelings with a professional, friends, or family members will help you process your emotions so you can let them go. You can learn to live in the present, and let go of your past.
Try your hardest to focus on the positive. Remind yourself about the good things you have going in your life!

Grief and the Practice of Mindfulness

Everyone grieves differently so have different physical and emotional feelings during the grieving process. Grief can become a tool for an awakening to a greater understanding and insight into the truth of life. When someone we loves dies, it is almost like an initiation to that insight. As we experiences the intensity of physical and emotional anguish, it becomes so intense that there is no way to avoid the raw experience of human pain.
The more we can remain "open" and mindfully experience the pain of grief, the greater the possibility of overcoming its effects. Meditations can be extremely helpful during this time of bereavement. If we are mindful there is less tendency to delay the inevitable task of accepting the reality of the death and experiencing its pain. The more we avoids these tasks, the greater the tendency to experience disturbing emotions, thoughts, and develop avoidance behaviors that can linger indefinitely.
The best way to let go is to grieve. It takes courage to grieve, to honor the pain we carry. We can grieve in tears or in meditative silence, in prayer, or in song.
To mediate on grief, let yourself sit alone or with a friend. Take the time to create an atmosphere of support. Begin by sensing your breath. Feel your breathing in the area of your chest. Take one hand and hold it gently on your heart as if you were holding a vulnerable human being. You are.
As you continue to breathe, bring to mind the loss and pain you are grieving. Let the story, the images, the feelings come naturally. Hold them gently. Take your time. Let the feelings come layer by layer, a little at a time.
Keep breathing softly. Let whatever feelings are there; pain, tears, anger, love, fear and sorrow, come as they will. Touch them gently. Let them unravel out of your body and mind. Make space for any images that arise. Allow the whole story. Breathe and hold it all with compassion. Kindness for it all, for you and for others.
Hold it gently. Let it be honored. You do not have to keep it in anymore.
Processing the grief we carry is a long, tear-filled process. Yet it follows the natural intelligence of the body and heart. Trust it, and let it unfold. Along with meditation, some of your grief will want to be written, cried out, sung, and heard. As all this is done in time, it becomes evident that the experience of grief cannot be resolved by anyone other than the experiencer-  You.

Men are Dying Because They Can't Talk

Every country in the world has seen male suicides outstrip female ones, and it's because men are silent and reluctant to seek help. The socialization of men is based on homophobia, sexism and pressure from media and peers who support these mindsets. From birth, they are told to be strong, to be unshakable, and never display any kind of sensitivity or weakness, lest you be branded "gay", "sad" or a variety of other disparaging prejudiced terms that are considered feminine and like a woman. Men are being taught to think that being open about their emotions and mental health is an engagement in identifying with a gender identity other than their own-men don't do this. Only women.
Men are taught that they have a Breaking Point, and that involves anything from a bar brawl to domestic violence.They are taught that violence is conflict resolution, and that uncorking themselves and venting is something that happens when it cannot be stopped, not when it can.
Mental health's biggest challenge is to get people to talk-to stop the silence. Silence is death. Silence is self-harm. Silence is smiling through your pain .Silence is not bravery when it comes to mental health. We need to address the mental health benefits and positive masculinity of men expressing themselves, whether it's social media discussion or the narrative of a TV show.
Toxic posts and books that suggest that men and women are simply "wired" differently suggest that women should cater to the emotional shortcoming of men in order to avoid conflict. This is a problem- it dismisses the mental illness issue and reinforces the male stereotype that men don't have real feelings.
This isn't about coming out about your mental health to your friends at the bar-there are actual, professional, free resources on the NHS  (National Health Service) that are available. Private mental health professionals are an option too. You can be healed while taking small steps towards being more open about how you feel outside the therapist' room.
Men do things because they want to be strong. To not die. To live. So talk. Seek help. Even quietly. Push back against stereotypes and prejudice that keep men silent. This goes for everyone, not just men.

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

Dying is not like you see on TV. It is not peaceful or prepared. It is too real.
You can never be fully prepared for the loss and the grief.
A hospital death is not always a bad death. A home death is not always a good death.
There will be pressure from others to move on, even minutes or hours after a death.
Death is not an emergency. Take your time to step back and say goodbye.
Be prepared for awkward encounters. Death makes people uncomfortable.
People will bring you food because they don't know what else to do. Don't feel bad throwing it away.
Death brings out the best and the worst in families. Be prepared.
There is no such thing as closure.
You will grieve, in some form, forever. That's okay.
Guilt, anger, and regret are all a normal part of grief.
Grief can make you question your life, your purpose, and your goals. This a a good thing.
However badly you think it is going to hurt, it may be a million times worse.
The last 24 hours of their lives will replay in your mind.
Trying to protect children from death and the emotions of grief isn't helpful.
You grieve your past, present, and future with that person.
Grief triggers are everywhere. This may lead to sudden outbursts of emotion.
You may lose yourself, your identity, meaning, purpose, values, and trust.
People will tell you what you should and shouldn't feel and how you should and shouldn't grieve. Ignore them.
It is normal to fell numb after it happens. The tears will come. They come in waves.
The practice of sending thank you notes after a funeral is a cruel and unusual tradition.
People love to judge how you are doing. Ignore them.
It is okay to cry. It is okay NOT to cry.
Time does NOT heal all wounds.
 Grief re-writes your address book. Sometimes the people you think will be there for you are not. People you never expect become your biggest supporters.
Nothing you do in the future will change your love for the person who died.
Face you emotions.You can avoid them for a while, but they will catch up with you in the end.

Beyond the Casserole

The greatest gift we can give a griever is our complete attention, which requires few words. Not just our mental attention but our intuitive attention as well, noticing body language, facial expressions, tears, sighs, and silence just as if they too are words. They don't expect earthshaking advice, but rather for you to be a witness to their own processes. A heart with ears.
 Let go of the desire to fix the other person or the need to make them feel better. All that inner attention robs the griever of your full attention. Deep listening replaces the fear of the "don't know what to say" syndrome. Just be present. Be a witness. Be the calm in the storm. Be willing to laugh when they need to laugh. Be willing to allow tears when they need to cry. Open your heart to the experience in spite of the possible pain. This type of support helps to create a sacred space for them to heal in their own way and in their own time. At a time when loneliness can be painfully intense, your visit may be their only source of peace.

Tell Your Story

An important part of healing from your grief is to tell your story. Over and over again..Because if you were really able to fully grasp the magnitude of what happened, you would most likely not be able to survive.
It's just too much.
So, your spirit, your mind, and your body protects you by allowing the truth to sink in slowly over time. At a pace you can live with.
And it's in telling the story of what happened over and over again that you are able to see and come to deal with the truth of what happened.
It's important to comb through the details, relive the sights and sounds. Go ahead and ask, "What if and Why didn't I and If only?"
Nothing is off limits. Turn over every scenario so that no part of the experience is locked behind a closed door. It's painful at first. But keep on telling your story. Because telling the story is a path to healing. And one day you discover that you can't tell it. Not one more time.You just can't do it.
This is what healing feels like!

Breaking the Cycle of Grief.

Have you ever noticed in your grieving that the place you keep visiting in your mind does not change? That the story your are reliving follows the same script, with the same ending? This script is called the infinite loop of loss. It's like being on a roller-coaster ride that carries you around and around without ever letting you off. The last ride is always as painful as the first. This is why it's so important to break the cycle of grief.
You must chose to put some space between your pain and your life. Choose to look at your life not only  through the eyes of grief. By establishing some distance between you and your pain, you learn to detach emotionally from the pain and discover ways to heal. By doing this you are no longer letting your loss and your pain define you. You need mental clarity so you can figure out where you are in your life at this moment, instead of where you imagine you are. It is important to experience the reality of life without the intense presence of your grief casting a dark shadow on the entire world around you. Even if your loss is recent, you may realize, by watching, that you still do have moments of authentic joy.
Here are some questions to reflect on that will help you begin the shift away from grief:
1.  When you wake up in the morning, what is the very first though that comes to mind, and how does this       thought make you feel?
2.  Where in your body is the feeling you are describing located?
3.  Is there a feeling you would like to experience instead?
4.  When you experience this new feeling, what would you like to have in your life?
5.  When you acknowledge what you would like to have, do feelings of unworthiness arise? Where do they
     come from?
6.  Most likely, your feelings of unworthiness are not warranted. Why do you deserve the things you have
      identified?
Refer to these questions on a regular basis to help reinforce the neural pathways that help you see the world and your feelings objectively.
You can learn to look at your past in a brand-new way by stepping outside of your repetitive thoughts of grief. By thinking new thoughts and engaging in new activities and learning, you can exit the loop of loss!

When Your Pet Dies.

When someone close to us dies, our loss is usually met with sympathy, comfort, and offerings of sincere condolence. We are allowed to grieve. We are allowed to cry. We are allowed to experience our emotions. But talk with pet owners who have had a dog get hit by a car or a cat euthanized and you will hear a different story .Most people do not understand the depth of their grief. Some even experience the gross insensitivity of a comment like, "Why don't you just get another pet?"
When we are grieving the loss of a beloved pet, we are actually mourning several losses:
The loss of unconditional love: Our pets provide us with emotional responses that are uninhibited by concern for how their expression appear to others. Many of our human relationships aren't that simple. Our pets do not judge our imperfection. They are all-accepting in ways few humans can achieve.
The loss of a protege: Having a pet is like being a parent. We are responsible for another life and go to great lengths to ensure their physical and emotional comfort. The loss of a pet can feel like the loss of a child.
The loss of a "life witness": Our pets allow us to express parts of ourselves that we may not let other humans see. During tough times, they provide us with security, stability and comfort.
The loss of routines: We must say goodbye to feeding time, walking routes, and calling on our pet when we wanted comfort and love.
It is important and necessary to mourn the loss of your pet! Be patient and kind with yourself. Your losses are real, painful, and evoke a variety of feelings and memories. Processing these feelings has no time frame. Create your own rituals for your pet. Hold a service at home or in a place special to you.
What would your pet do if he or she found you sad and in pain? Give you love, give you comfort, and stay with you as long as it took..
We can all learn a lesson from our animal friends!

Wrong Turns In Life.

Often in life, you might take a wrong turn, but at the time, you may not be aware that is IS a wrong turn. So you'll coast along for a while thinking that the scenery looks a bit different than what you expected, but at the time that seems okay. It may take ages, but suddenly you come up against an immovable boulder on the path, one that you can't go around. Or the road you are on dead ends. This is the moment of truth, when you realize not only that you took a wrong turn, but that you're going to have to retrace your steps. Your may feel so far from your destination that you panic, and you just can't believe that you wasted all this time!
Don't give yourself a hard time..If you think back and look really hard, there will be something positive that came out of your little detour.It doesn't matter that you made a side journey: it was just that-a side journey- and it won't prevent you from reaching your destination.Time passes and so does the moment. Soon you'll be back on the right path.Getting anything that's worthwhile is always full or wrong turns, dead ends, and sometimes dark despair. But remember that makes it all the sweeter when you do finally arrive!

Letting Go

Everyone has experienced struggle, heartbreak, loneliness, failure and loss in their lives. We are all human. But some people are able to put those experiences behind them and move on with hope and optimism looking forward to a brighter future. Others can’t seem to let those difficult times go. The difference is that the people that can’t let them go keep replaying the bad times over and over in their minds. They go back and revisit the difficult days every day, in those quiet moments when they are alone and have time to think. They replay them over and over like a broken record. They feel the sadness and all the emotions that go with the difficult times over and over again throughout the days, weeks, months and years that follow, never allowing them to fade from their memories.

Talking About Depression

When your loved ones talk about depression, you should take them seriously. Depression is a disease, it's not something that just goes away on its own. It's not an easy road because of the stigma attached to mental illness, but encourage them to get help. People suffering from these diseases need help and the resources to get them there -- without feeling afraid. Just like you can walk into urgent care when you're sick, you should be able to walk into a health institution to get help. No one should be ashamed because it's not a choice -- just like cancer isn't a choice.