Your Story Matters. You Matter.

Each of our stories matter. Not just the good part with the happy, fairytale endings, but the good, bad and the ugly. Our whole story.
Because, life matters. Every part of it is a learning opportunity. So tell it. Validate it. Learning from your story reveals your character. It shows what areas of your life you need healing in (grief, abuse, tragedies, unresolved emotions.)
If we are not learning as we live life, what are we doing with the valuable wisdom that is available to us and that could also help others? Your wisdom comes from your life experiences. Others can learn from that.
The key to healing from traumatic stress is the telling of your own story. Your body naturally begins healing as your mind tries to make sense of it all. Your recovery process will be stronger if you can reconstruct and evaluate your life. And one of the most powerful ways toward this reconstruction is through your story-your personal narrative.
Human beings have a basic need to understand. To be heard. Some have a knack for processing experiences and events in their own mind, while others struggle. But we all have a personal narrative that offers us a chance for not just understanding, but for the reorganization of our sense of self. A self that was once wounded, broken, frightened or lost- but can now be reclaimed. The power of telling your story allows you to transform the foreign into the familiar-making the unspeakable speakable. 
Your narrative is yours and yours alone, It can bring you awareness and much needed closure.
The power that comes from your own personal life story not only describes you, it defines and shapes you. Embrace what your struggles have taught you and celebrate what strengths they have given you. Share it with others. You may just be the inspiration they need.

Death or Divorce: Which is Worse?

In death we confront the finality of our loved one. In divorce, though we don't generally really wish our partner dead, we sometimes realize that life would be easier if that were the case. And those feelings add to our confusion, our guilt, and our difficulties co-parenting.
Self esteem will take a hit. Legal battles may rage on for years. Logistical nightmares (shuttling kids) may wear us out. And friends? Often, they desert. Lack of finances and child support seem to be unending.
Where is the light at the end of the tunnel?
We grieve for lost love. For what could or should have been. We grieve for the loss of a family dynamic, a familiar family unit. The parting that takes place in divorce can often times be as final as death.
There is no right or wrong way to work through your individual emotional phases.These phases may include denial, anger, depression, numbness, bargaining, disorganization, and acceptance. While these phases are usually associated with death, they hold just as true for divorce. Give them validation and this often times will move you farther along your unique path of grief.
Be prepared for unexpected triggers in the future, months or even years after you thought you were through with them and had moved past the pain. Common triggers include hearing a song on the radio you and your partner both loved, or witnessing your partner with someone new. Painful memories are all stored in the same part of the brain so these reminders of hurtful events can open the floodgates to the familiar pain of grief and loss.  By expecting these occasional relapses and remembering that there is not a completion date to your grief, you allow your emotions to flow through the phases at their own pace. You may repeat some of these phases over and over again. Your mind knows what it needs and will process the information until it reaches some level of acceptance, allowing you to move beyond the grief and turn the first page on the new chapter in your life.
You are a unique person and you are suffering, coping, and moving forward. Society often demonstrates more compassion when it comes to death.  Death and divorce both involve life altering change which we treat respectfully in one case and callously in the other. Loss itself  is the great leveler and those who walk through the door of divorce must be also met with compassion and love.
Grief of any kind is a journey, not a destination, and we move forward, one step at a time.