Understanding Teen Depression

Whether the incidences of teen depression are actually increasing, or we're just becoming more aware of them, the fact remains that depression is more common in teens than most people think. Although depression is treatable, only one in five depressed teens receive help. Teenagers must rely on parents, teachers, or other adults to recognize their suffering and get them treatment. So, if you have a teenager in your life, learn what teen depression looks like and what to do if you spot the warning signs.

Warning signs and symptoms of depression in teens:

Sadness, irritability, frequent crying, withdrawal from friends and family, loss of interest in activities, changes in eating and sleeping habits, agitation, feelings of worthlessness and guilt, lack of motivation, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, thoughts of suicide.

If you're unsure if an adolescent is depressed or just "being a teenager," consider how long the symptoms have been present, how severe they are, and how different the teen is acting from his or her usual self. While some growing pains are to be expected as teenagers struggle with the challenges of growing up, dramatic, long-lasting changes in personality, mood or behavior are red flags of a deeper problem.

Depression is very damaging when left untreated, so don't wait and hope the symptoms go away. If you see depression's warning signs, get professional help. If there are no health problems that are causing your teenager's depression, ask your doctor to refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in children and teens. A mental health professional with advanced training and experience treating adolescents is the best bet for their care. If the teenager tells you they are not connecting with their specialist, listen. Ask for a referral and try someone else. No one therapist is a miracle worker..

Grief and the Holidays

 

Holidays mark the passage of time in our lives. They generally represent time spent with family. But since holidays are for being with those we love the most, how can anyone be expected to cope with them when a loved one has died? How can you celebrate togetherness when there is none? Holidays magnify the loss. You can and will get through them. You don't have to be a victim of the pain or the past.
Here are some things to help you whether you are grieving the loss of a parent, friend, pet, spouse, or child.
Don't ask too much of yourself.  Ask for help. You'll get it. People want to help but don't expect them to know how. They'll be thankful they could do something for you.
Change traditions.  Create new traditions that make sense for the reshaped family you have become. You will begin to look forward to these traditions.
Find ways to include the ones you have lost.  Say a prayer about your loved one, light a candle, share stories, chat online about them, create an online tribute for them.
Practice self-care.  Don't do more than you want. Allow time for your feelings. Take frequent naps. Leave and go for a walk.  Recognize when you need some "me" time and act on it.
Allow yourself to experience joy.  Plan for sadness and embrace it when it comes. Walk right into the pain rather than try to hold it off. You will laugh again and during a holiday the love of family and friends can't help but make you smile. Your laughter will be the greatest gift you can give them.

May memories of your loved one bring you happiness during this holiday season.


Neurogenesis: Stuff to do to Boost Your Brain

What is neurogenesis anyway and what's all the buzz about? Neurogenesis is simply the birth of new neurons in your brain. It has been assumed that you are born with a fixed number and you can't reproduce new ones after maturity of your brain. Not true. There several things you can do to boost your brain.

Meditation.  This is no longer viewed as some sort of "New Age" or "Hippie" trend  of the 60's. Most large corporations are providing classes on meditation and mindfulness to increase productivity and happiness amongst their employees. It's a tool that is so simple, yet so powerful. Find some regular activity that trains your mind to be still, fully present, and connected with yourself. Just like any activity, you need to practice it daily to fully reap the benefits in your life. Meditation is a wonder drug that constantly needs to be refilled.

Exercise.  Cardio exercise such as running, interval training, swimming, etc. is the most effective way of boosting nuerogenesis. Exercise has a long list of health benefits for the mind and body, and is also an important stress reliever. This becomes more important as we age.

 Diet.  Too much refined sugar has a huge effect on the brain. Avoid it. Your brain is 60% fat and the right fats are important for healthy brain function.  Rich sources include oily fish, hemp, blueberries, green tea, and tumeric to name a few. 

Lifestyle.  Exposure to sunlight is important to increase serotonin levels in your brain. Ten minutes to the face can have a positive effect on your brain.
Long term sleep deprivation reduces nuerogenesis. Your brain can recover from short term deprivation but it's important not to make  it a habit.  Seven to nine hours per night is optimal.
Doing things you enjoy on a regular basis is beneficial for brain function and helps elevate levels of feel good neurons. Plan something that makes you happy on a daily basis.

Nuerogenesis is the cutting edge topic of research. We have to power  keep depression and anxiety at bay and maintain healthy brain function well into old age.

Growing yourself new brain cells will help you live a longer, happier, and healthier life. Nuerogenisis can help you live your life with more joy, compassion, gratitude, and of course, love.

What I've Learned Through Grief

It's like an ocean, some days calm, other days, the waves hit hard and knock me down.
It's possible to ask "Why?" a million times a day and never get an answer.
At first I did not think I would survive, but with family,  friends, and faith I came to grips with the pain of grief.
Birthdays and holidays will always be hard. Find a different way to look at things and let go. They will come around every year. Learning to cope is part of the grieving journey.
You'll wonder how people can go on with their lives. Don't they know what has happened? Then you'll realize how unreasonable you're being.
You will learn who your real friends are. You'll be surprised to find they're not who you expected.
You may resort to using Short Term Energy Releasing Behaviors. (S.T.E.R.B.'s)  drinking, over or under eating, excessive shopping or exercising, workaholism, sleeping too much or too little, drugs, etc. These are behaviors that only keep you from dealing with your grief.
It's OK to cry yourself to sleep. It's also OK not to cry. Every day is different.
Guilt is something you will experience. Let it pass as quickly as possible.
You will experience pain smack in the middle of your heart and is literally your heart breaking.  That pain will fade eventually.
You must talk about your grief. It's the best therapy. Share your memories, honor them, remember them, love them.
It's normal to always feel sad. Someone you love is gone. Eventually it will be OK.
Sometimes you need to just say NO. If you don't want to, then don't. Do what's right for you and no one else.
Focus on living in the moment. You can't go back and change what has happened. Accept that and move on. That is a choice only you can make. Make it. See how much better you feel. Focus on your new life and  others around you. You have something to offer them because of your experiences.
What has your journey through grief taught you?

Death or Divorce: Which is Worse?

In death we confront the finality of our loved one. In divorce, though we don't generally really wish our partner dead, we sometimes realize that life would be easier if that were the case. And those feelings add to our confusion, our guilt, and our difficulties co-parenting.
Self esteem will take a hit. Legal battles may rage on for years. Logistical nightmares (shuttling kids) may wear us out. And friends? Often, they desert. Lack of finances and child support seem to be unending.
Where is the light at the end of the tunnel?
We grieve for lost love. For what could or should have been. We grieve for the loss of a family dynamic, a familiar family unit. The parting that takes place in divorce can often times be as final as death.
There is no right or wrong way to work through your individual emotional phases.These phases may include denial, anger, depression, numbness, bargaining, disorganization, and acceptance. While these phases are usually associated with death, they hold just as true for divorce. Give them validation and this often times will move you farther along your unique path of grief.
Be prepared for unexpected triggers in the future, months or even years after you thought you were through with them and had moved past the pain. Common triggers include hearing a song on the radio you and your partner both loved, or witnessing your partner with someone new. Painful memories are all stored in the same part of the brain so these reminders of hurtful events can open the floodgates to the familiar pain of grief and loss.  By expecting these occasional relapses and remembering that there is not a completion date to your grief, you allow your emotions to flow through the phases at their own pace. You may repeat some of these phases over and over again. Your mind knows what it needs and will process the information until it reaches some level of acceptance, allowing you to move beyond the grief and turn the first page on the new chapter in your life.
You are a unique person and you are suffering, coping, and moving forward. Society often demonstrates more compassion when it comes to death.  Death and divorce both involve life altering change which we treat respectfully in one case and callously in the other. Loss itself  is the great leveler and those who walk through the door of divorce must be also met with compassion and love.
Grief of any kind is a journey, not a destination, and we move forward, one step at a time.

Why You Can't Let Go of Your Grief

There are losses you never get over. They break you to pieces and you can never go back to being the whole person you once were. Your grief is your love, turned inside-out. That is why it is so deep. That is why it is so all-consuming. Your sadness seems bottomless, it is because your love knows no boundaries.
If your loved one died in a sudden or unexpected way, somewhere inside you is a voice asking what you might have done differently that would have changed what happened.
The truth is that the factors that influence the course of all our lives are much bigger  than what we did or did not do. To hold yourself accountable for any reason is to deny the greater context in which life happens, and this is a dangerous choice to make. It will eat a hole in your spirit that you can never fill.
You hang on to your grief to make sure you never forget your loved one. The sadness is all you have left and you begin to cherish it. That way, you will never forget. You hold your grief tightly within your body and feed it all the love you have left. So that it stays, so you can be closer to death yourself. It can never sneak up on you again, because it never left your doorstep.
So when you are expected back at work or at social events, you attend for others and pretend. You pretend it doesn't crush you when their birthday comes around or when you're at a holiday table glaring at an empty chair. You must not cry when at the grocery store when you buy the steaks that only your loved one ate.
The worst type of crying isn't the kind that everyone sees. No, the worst kind happens when your soul weeps no matter what you are doing. You don't expect it and you can't control it.
You are missing a piece of yourself that no one else can really see. You will never forget the love, the adventure, the grandiosity of the effect that our loved one had on your life and your character. 
But a time comes when you must move forward. One small step at at a time. Trust there is more ahead of you and your life truly does has meaning and purpose. Search for it. Search your soul and begin to cherish your new life. Move forward knowing you will never forget the most important thing that has happened to you. Ever..

Depression Will Not Go Away On Its Own

Depression is a serious mental illness that can cause both emotional and physical pain to millions of children, teens and adults. Using a combination of therapies and other medicinal approaches are often the best ways to learn how to fight depression. Unfortunately, only about 20% of individuals suffering from depression seek help. Most don't even know they have it or if they do, they don't want deal with it, much less talk about it.
Depression will not go away on its own.. It needs to be addressed or will likely become worse.
The most effective ways to fight depression are:
Therapy.  Trained therapists or psychologists will help figure out the emotional turmoil you are struggling with that might be the cause of your depression. These life struggles or tragedies include death, divorce, and poor self esteem..Learning to work through these struggles, accept them and move on is all part of treating depression.
Antidepressants and Herbal Remedies.  Some people find success in treating their depression by taking depression meds or herbal remedies, however, these meds do not work for everyone and cannot be taken with other medications so it's important to talk to your physician about this option. Recent studies about the side effects of Paxil;  insomnia, anxiety, seizure, hallucinations and suicidal thoughts, especially in teens, led the FDA to issue a black box warning label be put on this drug stating the increased risk of suicidal thought in teens taking it. Paxil withdrawal syndrome is known to be the most severe withdrawal for drugs in it's class.
Exercise and Nutrition.  Exercise releases endorphins and other hormones which elevate mood, making it a great way to fight depression. Like working out, getting nutrients through food and liquids you ingest is another way to fight depression. A balanced diet helps balance your hormones and keep your weight under control. Blood sugar stabilization is important to control mood.
Talking and Writing Therapy.  Keeping a journal of what makes you happy helps you to focus on the positive as well as getting things off your chest so you can analyze your situation. It may not be as bad as it seems..
Talking through your feelings with a professional, friends, or family members will help you process your emotions so you can let them go. You can learn to live in the present, and let go of your past.
Try your hardest to focus on the positive. Remind yourself about the good things you have going in your life!

Finding Your Sacred Place

One of the most frustrating things in life is having to deal with something that is out of your control. It may feel like you're giving up, but it's important to recognize when something is out of your hands, stressing over it is a waste of your time and energy. Just as fighting against the reality of the pain of losses in your life will only create suffering. Especially is you are a Type A personality; anything that doesn't go according to your plan may seem like a huge disaster. Take a moment to think about all of the times in your life when something unexpected led you to something great. Being more open to change and mistakes will allow you to see hidden blessings and take advantage of those opportunities. Look up and move forward.
Think of yourself as a boat. You are not affected by the water around you, but when the water gets inside the boat, it will start to sink.
Use this concept when you're trying to understand how to deal with your grief. The water around you represents all your negative thoughts and emotions. Some your own, others from those around you. It is when you allow the negativity to enter inside, you feel like you are sinking.                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Find a sacred place deep in your soul that is just for you and your personal peace and happiness. Like the water, all the negatives thoughts and feelings are around you and you must work at keeping them at bay. It is when you allow this negativity to enter your sacred place, you start to live out the negativity which keeps you from recovering from your pain and living a peaceful, happy life.
Remember that you grow from the experiences when you are down low in the valley. Just like a mountain, the higher you go, the less life around you.
Take the first step in learning to control your thoughts. Strive to always be in calm waters.
You CAN learn to be happy by relying on your sacred  place . It is just for you..

Men are Dying Because They Can't Talk

Every country in the world has seen male suicides outstrip female ones, and it's because men are silent and reluctant to seek help. The socialization of men is based on homophobia, sexism and pressure from media and peers who support these mindsets. From birth, they are told to be strong, to be unshakable, and never display any kind of sensitivity or weakness, lest you be branded "gay", "sad" or a variety of other disparaging prejudiced terms that are considered feminine and like a woman. Men are being taught to think that being open about their emotions and mental health is an engagement in identifying with a gender identity other than their own-men don't do this. Only women.
Men are taught that they have a Breaking Point, and that involves anything from a bar brawl to domestic violence.They are taught that violence is conflict resolution, and that uncorking themselves and venting is something that happens when it cannot be stopped, not when it can.
Mental health's biggest challenge is to get people to talk-to stop the silence. Silence is death. Silence is self-harm. Silence is smiling through your pain .Silence is not bravery when it comes to mental health. We need to address the mental health benefits and positive masculinity of men expressing themselves, whether it's social media discussion or the narrative of a TV show.
Toxic posts and books that suggest that men and women are simply "wired" differently suggest that women should cater to the emotional shortcoming of men in order to avoid conflict. This is a problem- it dismisses the mental illness issue and reinforces the male stereotype that men don't have real feelings.
This isn't about coming out about your mental health to your friends at the bar-there are actual, professional, free resources on the NHS  (National Health Service) that are available. Private mental health professionals are an option too. You can be healed while taking small steps towards being more open about how you feel outside the therapist' room.
Men do things because they want to be strong. To not die. To live. So talk. Seek help. Even quietly. Push back against stereotypes and prejudice that keep men silent. This goes for everyone, not just men.

I'll Lend You a Child

"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine, he said."
For you to love-while he lives, and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years, or forty six or three, but will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He'll bring his smiles to gladden you, and should his stay be brief, You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise Beau will stay, since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I've looked this world over in search of teachers true, and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love, nor count the labor vain, Nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again?
I fancied that I heard then say, "Dear Lord, Thy will be done." For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter Beau with tenderness, we'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

Dying is not like you see on TV. It is not peaceful or prepared. It is too real.
You can never be fully prepared for the loss and the grief.
A hospital death is not always a bad death. A home death is not always a good death.
There will be pressure from others to move on, even minutes or hours after a death.
Death is not an emergency. Take your time to step back and say goodbye.
Be prepared for awkward encounters. Death makes people uncomfortable.
People will bring you food because they don't know what else to do. Don't feel bad throwing it away.
Death brings out the best and the worst in families. Be prepared.
There is no such thing as closure.
You will grieve, in some form, forever. That's okay.
Guilt, anger, and regret are all a normal part of grief.
Grief can make you question your life, your purpose, and your goals. This a a good thing.
However badly you think it is going to hurt, it may be a million times worse.
The last 24 hours of their lives will replay in your mind.
Trying to protect children from death and the emotions of grief isn't helpful.
You grieve your past, present, and future with that person.
Grief triggers are everywhere. This may lead to sudden outbursts of emotion.
You may lose yourself, your identity, meaning, purpose, values, and trust.
People will tell you what you should and shouldn't feel and how you should and shouldn't grieve. Ignore them.
It is normal to fell numb after it happens. The tears will come. They come in waves.
The practice of sending thank you notes after a funeral is a cruel and unusual tradition.
People love to judge how you are doing. Ignore them.
It is okay to cry. It is okay NOT to cry.
Time does NOT heal all wounds.
 Grief re-writes your address book. Sometimes the people you think will be there for you are not. People you never expect become your biggest supporters.
Nothing you do in the future will change your love for the person who died.
Face you emotions.You can avoid them for a while, but they will catch up with you in the end.

Beyond the Casserole

The greatest gift we can give a griever is our complete attention, which requires few words. Not just our mental attention but our intuitive attention as well, noticing body language, facial expressions, tears, sighs, and silence just as if they too are words. They don't expect earthshaking advice, but rather for you to be a witness to their own processes. A heart with ears.
 Let go of the desire to fix the other person or the need to make them feel better. All that inner attention robs the griever of your full attention. Deep listening replaces the fear of the "don't know what to say" syndrome. Just be present. Be a witness. Be the calm in the storm. Be willing to laugh when they need to laugh. Be willing to allow tears when they need to cry. Open your heart to the experience in spite of the possible pain. This type of support helps to create a sacred space for them to heal in their own way and in their own time. At a time when loneliness can be painfully intense, your visit may be their only source of peace.

The Grief Police (They Live Inside Your Head)

If you are grieving something, a lost opportunity, a loved one, the end of a relationship, failing health..whatever your are grieving, look at the rules that the grief police might be trying to enforce. Should you be over it by now? Will you be bringing up your loss every time we get together? Can you talk of nothing else, ever?
We each do grief in our own way...grief is personal and different and doesn't move in a predictable way through our lives...Know that there will be people that have a set of rules about the timeline of grief and don't allow those rules to beat yourself up.
The way you do grief is yours, you own it. It can't be measured by a book, an article, or anyone else.
Look at the ways you are drawn to grief. Are you a friend or family member of someone who is grieving? Just listen, show up, and have no judgement. Just listen... You can't fix it... And they don't want you to!

Tell Your Story

An important part of healing from your grief is to tell your story. Over and over again..Because if you were really able to fully grasp the magnitude of what happened, you would most likely not be able to survive.
It's just too much.
So, your spirit, your mind, and your body protects you by allowing the truth to sink in slowly over time. At a pace you can live with.
And it's in telling the story of what happened over and over again that you are able to see and come to deal with the truth of what happened.
It's important to comb through the details, relive the sights and sounds. Go ahead and ask, "What if and Why didn't I and If only?"
Nothing is off limits. Turn over every scenario so that no part of the experience is locked behind a closed door. It's painful at first. But keep on telling your story. Because telling the story is a path to healing. And one day you discover that you can't tell it. Not one more time.You just can't do it.
This is what healing feels like!

Welcome to Your Breathing Space

Do you find yourself having a conversation with your grief even before you get out of bed in the morning? That is a sure sign that you're still prioritizing grief over life.You're welcoming the new day with grief in mind. When grief is the first experience of your day, fear will also join in.
It's important to find breathing space and  pay attention to life as soon as you wake up. Grab your coffee and go where you can spend ten minutes alone and in peace.
Welcome to your breathing space!
This space you're looking for-the place where you are alone-isn't really a physical location; it is a space within your body and mind that allows you to remove the weight of loss that you carry around with you. It is where you can set loss aside and think about your future.
A future where you feel alive, strong, grateful, compassionate, and loving.
Where is this place for you? If you recognize this place inside you, go there now. If not, find it. In your breathing space, you'll be called back to life. The more you practice finding it, the more the space will be with you all through your day. Just a breath away, if you need it..

Breaking the Cycle of Grief.

Have you ever noticed in your grieving that the place you keep visiting in your mind does not change? That the story your are reliving follows the same script, with the same ending? This script is called the infinite loop of loss. It's like being on a roller-coaster ride that carries you around and around without ever letting you off. The last ride is always as painful as the first. This is why it's so important to break the cycle of grief.
You must chose to put some space between your pain and your life. Choose to look at your life not only  through the eyes of grief. By establishing some distance between you and your pain, you learn to detach emotionally from the pain and discover ways to heal. By doing this you are no longer letting your loss and your pain define you. You need mental clarity so you can figure out where you are in your life at this moment, instead of where you imagine you are. It is important to experience the reality of life without the intense presence of your grief casting a dark shadow on the entire world around you. Even if your loss is recent, you may realize, by watching, that you still do have moments of authentic joy.
Here are some questions to reflect on that will help you begin the shift away from grief:
1.  When you wake up in the morning, what is the very first though that comes to mind, and how does this       thought make you feel?
2.  Where in your body is the feeling you are describing located?
3.  Is there a feeling you would like to experience instead?
4.  When you experience this new feeling, what would you like to have in your life?
5.  When you acknowledge what you would like to have, do feelings of unworthiness arise? Where do they
     come from?
6.  Most likely, your feelings of unworthiness are not warranted. Why do you deserve the things you have
      identified?
Refer to these questions on a regular basis to help reinforce the neural pathways that help you see the world and your feelings objectively.
You can learn to look at your past in a brand-new way by stepping outside of your repetitive thoughts of grief. By thinking new thoughts and engaging in new activities and learning, you can exit the loop of loss!

How Long Is This Grieving Going to Last?

We feel so bad when we are grieving that it is not a surprise when we wonder, "How long will I have this terrible pain? Will this suffering ever end?"
There are two kinds of time:
Chronos Time:    This is the kind of time measured by the calendar. Chronos time is counted in days, weeks, months, years. It is the kind of time measured by clocks. It is a physical time..
Kairos Time:    The time within which personal life moves forward. A result of moments of awakening or realization is measured in kairos time. It refers to a deepening process that results from our paying attention to the present moment where we are drawn inside the moment of our own story. Kairos is an unmeasured kind of time.
Don't measure your grief in chronos time! It's been a year, four years, I should be OK by now. To think that a certain amount of time has passed and we should be farther along in our grieving is a set up for wondering what is wrong with us.
What matters is kairos time. What insights have I had? What have I learned? What meaning am I making of my terrible loss?
The amount of time each of us takes to reach integration of our loss is usually longer rather than shorter.Our society suggests that grieving should be short. Many government workers get three days off when they lose a family member...
The good news is that healthy grieving does change you and your life. Know that you will feel alive again, probably wiser, quieter, and full of gratitude and a desire to contribute as a result of what you have been through.
All in good time...All in good kairos time!

When Your Pet Dies.

When someone close to us dies, our loss is usually met with sympathy, comfort, and offerings of sincere condolence. We are allowed to grieve. We are allowed to cry. We are allowed to experience our emotions. But talk with pet owners who have had a dog get hit by a car or a cat euthanized and you will hear a different story .Most people do not understand the depth of their grief. Some even experience the gross insensitivity of a comment like, "Why don't you just get another pet?"
When we are grieving the loss of a beloved pet, we are actually mourning several losses:
The loss of unconditional love: Our pets provide us with emotional responses that are uninhibited by concern for how their expression appear to others. Many of our human relationships aren't that simple. Our pets do not judge our imperfection. They are all-accepting in ways few humans can achieve.
The loss of a protege: Having a pet is like being a parent. We are responsible for another life and go to great lengths to ensure their physical and emotional comfort. The loss of a pet can feel like the loss of a child.
The loss of a "life witness": Our pets allow us to express parts of ourselves that we may not let other humans see. During tough times, they provide us with security, stability and comfort.
The loss of routines: We must say goodbye to feeding time, walking routes, and calling on our pet when we wanted comfort and love.
It is important and necessary to mourn the loss of your pet! Be patient and kind with yourself. Your losses are real, painful, and evoke a variety of feelings and memories. Processing these feelings has no time frame. Create your own rituals for your pet. Hold a service at home or in a place special to you.
What would your pet do if he or she found you sad and in pain? Give you love, give you comfort, and stay with you as long as it took..
We can all learn a lesson from our animal friends!

Is Your Self-Talk Positive or Negative?

Here are some common forms of negative self-talk: 
Filtering. You magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter out all the positive ones. You had a great day at work, filled with compliments. That evening, you focus on your plan to do even more and forget about the compliments you received.
Personalizing. When something bad occurs, you automatically blame yourself. When an evening out is canceled, you assume it is because no one wanted to be around you.
Catastrophizing. You anticipate the worst. Your day starts out with a few snags and you think the rest of your day will be a disaster.
Polarizing.  You see things only as either good or bad. There is no middle ground. You are either perfect or a total failure.
You can learn to turn your thinking around!  Here are some ways to create the new habit of positive thinking:
Identify areas to change . Start small by focusing on one area to approach in a more positive way. Your job, relationship, daily tasks or commute.
Check yourself. Stop and evaluate what you're thinking. Find a way to put a positive spin on all your thoughts.
Be open to humor. Find humor in everyday events, including yourself.
Follow a healthy lifestyle. Get moving as it will affect your mood and reduce stress! Eat well to fuel your mind and body. It's not about how you look, it's about how you feel...
Practice positive self-talk.  Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to anyone else.
With practice, your self-talk will help you become less critical of yourself, and the world around you!

When A Parent Dies.

Your mother or father has died. Most of us love our parents deeply. And they love you with the most unconditional love that imperfect human beings can summon.
You are now faced with the difficult, but necessary, need to mourn the loss of one of the most significant people in your life. Mourning is the open expression of your thoughts and feelings about the death. It is an essential part of healing.
Your grief is unique. Grieve in your own way and in your own time. The parent-child bond is the most fundamental of all human ties. When your mother or father dies, that bond is torn. Numbness, confusion, guilt, relief, and anger are just a few feelings you may have. They are normal and healthy. Let yourself feel whatever you may be feeling ;don't judge yourself or try to repress painful thoughts and feelings. Find someone who will hear you out as you explore your grief.
If you have siblings, the death of this parent may affect them differently than you. Each of them had their own unique relationship with the parent who died, so each has the right to mourn the loss in his or her own way. Expect some conflicts with your siblings as you may disagree about the memorial, family finances, etc. Or, perhaps you will experience a welcomed gift of the death bringing you and your siblings closer together. Grieving the loss of a parent may be the hardest thing you have ever done.
Be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of sadness will leave you fatigued and your ability to think clearly and make decisions may be impaired. Nurture yourself. Lighten your schedule as much as possible.
Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. Express your faith, but express your grief as well.
Your parent lives on in spirit through your memories. Treasure those memories. Share them with your family and friends.Those memories may make you laugh or cry, they are a a lasting and important part of the relationship you had with your mother or father.
Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself. Your life will be changed forever. Embrace the blessings you receive along the way!