10 Things To Let Go for 2016

This upcoming New Year can be the best you've ever had. This can be the year when you finally feel content .Here are a few things to release and help you start the New Year out with a bang..

1.  Spending more than you have. Set a budget for yourself so you don't feel guilty and overwhelmed.
2.  Overindulging with food and alcohol. Keep fruit, sparkling water, and healthy food on hand.
     Always. Don't buy the foods you binge on. Chips, chocolate, sugary snacks.
3.  Trying to do too much.  Cut back on commitments and pick the events you really want to do.
4.  Regretting the past.  The past is over. Focus on being productive and having fun.
5.  Taking things personally. You aren't the cause of other people's behavior. Let it go and move on.
6.  Self critical thinking.  Choose to only focus on what you know is positive and good about yourself.
7.  Taking the people you love for granted.  Make them the centerpiece of your life.
8.  Neglecting your physical and emotional health.  Eat well, workout, meditate, and make yourself a priority.
9.  Letting fear rule you.  Use your good judgment and wisdom, rather than your fear, when making choices for your life.
10. Seeking happiness outside of yourself. Happiness is a mindset. A mindset of positivity will help you move through hard times quickly.

Make sure your mind is clear, your heart is ready, and you have the positive mindset to achieve your goals and dreams for the new year.

Learning to let go is the first step in self-creation.

Make 2016 YOUR year. The year you accomplish more than you ever imagined!

Grief and the Holidays

 

Holidays mark the passage of time in our lives. They generally represent time spent with family. But since holidays are for being with those we love the most, how can anyone be expected to cope with them when a loved one has died? How can you celebrate togetherness when there is none? Holidays magnify the loss. You can and will get through them. You don't have to be a victim of the pain or the past.
Here are some things to help you whether you are grieving the loss of a parent, friend, pet, spouse, or child.
Don't ask too much of yourself.  Ask for help. You'll get it. People want to help but don't expect them to know how. They'll be thankful they could do something for you.
Change traditions.  Create new traditions that make sense for the reshaped family you have become. You will begin to look forward to these traditions.
Find ways to include the ones you have lost.  Say a prayer about your loved one, light a candle, share stories, chat online about them, create an online tribute for them.
Practice self-care.  Don't do more than you want. Allow time for your feelings. Take frequent naps. Leave and go for a walk.  Recognize when you need some "me" time and act on it.
Allow yourself to experience joy.  Plan for sadness and embrace it when it comes. Walk right into the pain rather than try to hold it off. You will laugh again and during a holiday the love of family and friends can't help but make you smile. Your laughter will be the greatest gift you can give them.

May memories of your loved one bring you happiness during this holiday season.


Are You Resilient? How Do You Handle Your Grief?

Resilience is a combination of your thoughts, behaviors, and actions. It is not something you either have or you don't. You can work on being more resilient by acquiring tools to help you get through tough times. It does not mean you are shoving your emotions under the rug or ignoring feelings. It means that your body and mind are finding ways to help you return to normal after experiencing trauma. It keeps you stabilized through your grieving and eventually helps you gain personal strength. You are not ignoring the negative emotions but rather allowing positive ones to flow as well.
A big part of being resilient comes from the support of your friends, family and community. Resilient people not only rely on their own strength,  but also the strength of others to help them through tough times. This support system is the best tool to regain a well-adjusted, healthy life.
It is true that many people experience positive changes and growth after a trauma. It is not the actual event itself that does this. It is the process of persevering and growing in the face of adversity. After experiencing trauma, your body and mind are called on to do the most difficult thing--heal. This is what gives us confidence that we can overcome any difficult situation and teaches us skills that we can use daily-for the rest of our lives.
Growth after trauma is common, but it doesn't mean that the healing process is any easier. It is still grief and it still requires suffering and strength to get through it. It  provides hope that there are positive outcomes to even the most tragic of situations. And  it is important to realize, suffering and growth can coexist.

Inside The Minds of Those Who Kill, and Kill Themselves

Setting aside the debate over access to guns, trying to understand the actions of a mass murderer has us grasping for answers..settling on a diagnosis that the shooter was probably a psychopath-cold, unfeeling, heartless.
Recent studies of the writings of mass killers come to a different conclusion. The gunmen suffered from an intense form of paranoia. Far from being cold or detached, these young men were enraged, their delusions of persecution becoming ever more intense and intolerable. They become fixated and obsessed with rejection by what they see as an elite " in-group," whom they see as having unfairly achieved success. They formulate plans to take out these elite, which they justify as vengeance for the maltreatment.
Other characteristics these killers seem to share are extreme narcissism, loners, a desire for fame, glory and attention.
Mental health experts who study mass murder-suicides found that depression and thoughts of suicide  are common, but not enough to explain such drastic and rare acts. There is something fundamentally different here aside from depression.
They want to die, and they want to bring many others down with them. For some, the targets are the purpose of their attack. In other cases, the purpose of the attack is primarily to gain notoriety, and the targets become the means to that end. They are collateral damage.
Domestic murder-suicides are almost always impulsive-committed in fits of rage or jealousy, and a majority of the killers also abused alcohol or drugs. In contrast, killers who take groups of strangers as targets plan their crimes carefully, waiting for an opportunity to act. They seem concerned about keeping a clear mind for the task ahead.. Total effort needed. Tomorrow is the big day..
Dylan Klebold, 17, of Columbine High bragged that his goal was to cause the most deaths in U.S. history.
 If authorities had known what had driven him to carry out his plan, they may not have made it public.
Perhaps not publicizing these horrific crimes is something to consider...

Depression Will Not Go Away On Its Own

Depression is a serious mental illness that can cause both emotional and physical pain to millions of children, teens and adults. Using a combination of therapies and other medicinal approaches are often the best ways to learn how to fight depression. Unfortunately, only about 20% of individuals suffering from depression seek help. Most don't even know they have it or if they do, they don't want deal with it, much less talk about it.
Depression will not go away on its own.. It needs to be addressed or will likely become worse.
The most effective ways to fight depression are:
Therapy.  Trained therapists or psychologists will help figure out the emotional turmoil you are struggling with that might be the cause of your depression. These life struggles or tragedies include death, divorce, and poor self esteem..Learning to work through these struggles, accept them and move on is all part of treating depression.
Antidepressants and Herbal Remedies.  Some people find success in treating their depression by taking depression meds or herbal remedies, however, these meds do not work for everyone and cannot be taken with other medications so it's important to talk to your physician about this option. Recent studies about the side effects of Paxil;  insomnia, anxiety, seizure, hallucinations and suicidal thoughts, especially in teens, led the FDA to issue a black box warning label be put on this drug stating the increased risk of suicidal thought in teens taking it. Paxil withdrawal syndrome is known to be the most severe withdrawal for drugs in it's class.
Exercise and Nutrition.  Exercise releases endorphins and other hormones which elevate mood, making it a great way to fight depression. Like working out, getting nutrients through food and liquids you ingest is another way to fight depression. A balanced diet helps balance your hormones and keep your weight under control. Blood sugar stabilization is important to control mood.
Talking and Writing Therapy.  Keeping a journal of what makes you happy helps you to focus on the positive as well as getting things off your chest so you can analyze your situation. It may not be as bad as it seems..
Talking through your feelings with a professional, friends, or family members will help you process your emotions so you can let them go. You can learn to live in the present, and let go of your past.
Try your hardest to focus on the positive. Remind yourself about the good things you have going in your life!

Finding Your Sacred Place

One of the most frustrating things in life is having to deal with something that is out of your control. It may feel like you're giving up, but it's important to recognize when something is out of your hands, stressing over it is a waste of your time and energy. Just as fighting against the reality of the pain of losses in your life will only create suffering. Especially is you are a Type A personality; anything that doesn't go according to your plan may seem like a huge disaster. Take a moment to think about all of the times in your life when something unexpected led you to something great. Being more open to change and mistakes will allow you to see hidden blessings and take advantage of those opportunities. Look up and move forward.
Think of yourself as a boat. You are not affected by the water around you, but when the water gets inside the boat, it will start to sink.
Use this concept when you're trying to understand how to deal with your grief. The water around you represents all your negative thoughts and emotions. Some your own, others from those around you. It is when you allow the negativity to enter inside, you feel like you are sinking.                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Find a sacred place deep in your soul that is just for you and your personal peace and happiness. Like the water, all the negatives thoughts and feelings are around you and you must work at keeping them at bay. It is when you allow this negativity to enter your sacred place, you start to live out the negativity which keeps you from recovering from your pain and living a peaceful, happy life.
Remember that you grow from the experiences when you are down low in the valley. Just like a mountain, the higher you go, the less life around you.
Take the first step in learning to control your thoughts. Strive to always be in calm waters.
You CAN learn to be happy by relying on your sacred  place . It is just for you..

Men are Dying Because They Can't Talk

Every country in the world has seen male suicides outstrip female ones, and it's because men are silent and reluctant to seek help. The socialization of men is based on homophobia, sexism and pressure from media and peers who support these mindsets. From birth, they are told to be strong, to be unshakable, and never display any kind of sensitivity or weakness, lest you be branded "gay", "sad" or a variety of other disparaging prejudiced terms that are considered feminine and like a woman. Men are being taught to think that being open about their emotions and mental health is an engagement in identifying with a gender identity other than their own-men don't do this. Only women.
Men are taught that they have a Breaking Point, and that involves anything from a bar brawl to domestic violence.They are taught that violence is conflict resolution, and that uncorking themselves and venting is something that happens when it cannot be stopped, not when it can.
Mental health's biggest challenge is to get people to talk-to stop the silence. Silence is death. Silence is self-harm. Silence is smiling through your pain .Silence is not bravery when it comes to mental health. We need to address the mental health benefits and positive masculinity of men expressing themselves, whether it's social media discussion or the narrative of a TV show.
Toxic posts and books that suggest that men and women are simply "wired" differently suggest that women should cater to the emotional shortcoming of men in order to avoid conflict. This is a problem- it dismisses the mental illness issue and reinforces the male stereotype that men don't have real feelings.
This isn't about coming out about your mental health to your friends at the bar-there are actual, professional, free resources on the NHS  (National Health Service) that are available. Private mental health professionals are an option too. You can be healed while taking small steps towards being more open about how you feel outside the therapist' room.
Men do things because they want to be strong. To not die. To live. So talk. Seek help. Even quietly. Push back against stereotypes and prejudice that keep men silent. This goes for everyone, not just men.

Breaking the Cycle of Grief.

Have you ever noticed in your grieving that the place you keep visiting in your mind does not change? That the story your are reliving follows the same script, with the same ending? This script is called the infinite loop of loss. It's like being on a roller-coaster ride that carries you around and around without ever letting you off. The last ride is always as painful as the first. This is why it's so important to break the cycle of grief.
You must chose to put some space between your pain and your life. Choose to look at your life not only  through the eyes of grief. By establishing some distance between you and your pain, you learn to detach emotionally from the pain and discover ways to heal. By doing this you are no longer letting your loss and your pain define you. You need mental clarity so you can figure out where you are in your life at this moment, instead of where you imagine you are. It is important to experience the reality of life without the intense presence of your grief casting a dark shadow on the entire world around you. Even if your loss is recent, you may realize, by watching, that you still do have moments of authentic joy.
Here are some questions to reflect on that will help you begin the shift away from grief:
1.  When you wake up in the morning, what is the very first though that comes to mind, and how does this       thought make you feel?
2.  Where in your body is the feeling you are describing located?
3.  Is there a feeling you would like to experience instead?
4.  When you experience this new feeling, what would you like to have in your life?
5.  When you acknowledge what you would like to have, do feelings of unworthiness arise? Where do they
     come from?
6.  Most likely, your feelings of unworthiness are not warranted. Why do you deserve the things you have
      identified?
Refer to these questions on a regular basis to help reinforce the neural pathways that help you see the world and your feelings objectively.
You can learn to look at your past in a brand-new way by stepping outside of your repetitive thoughts of grief. By thinking new thoughts and engaging in new activities and learning, you can exit the loop of loss!

Becoming Bigger Than Yourself.

Your personal space is the small world you live in where you are the center of the universe. This is where most of us live most of the time. Have you ever made a statement and believe it's about you, only to have the person you are speaking to shift the focus to themselves? What matters most is how everything affects them personally.They are concerned with their own pleasure and comfort. This is why they may not exercise or eat only healthy food. This fear of being uncomfortable hampers their social lives as well as their love lives. They don't want to look bad, and are afraid of failing. So they don't tackle the tough things...
This level of self absorption is the problem in finding our lives purpose.
If we can learn to get outside ourselves and see things from a less self-centered approach, we can learn some amazing lessons.We can begin to see our personal desires are actually pretty trivial, and there's more to life than our little fears... including the pain and suffering of other people, compassion for all living beings, and knowing that we made a difference.. If we can try to focus on how to make the lives of others better, we become less self-centered, and everything begins to change. As we go about our daily lives, we can tie our actions to the betterment of others, giving us motivation on a moment-to-moment basis.This is what is important. A bigger purpose, Becoming Bigger Than Yourself, expanding your mind and heart. The life we have been given is a gift and there is nothing more fulfilling than making a difference in the lives of others!

Keep Busy With New Goals

Learn a skill that requires daily practice and make the evening your time to learn and hone your new talent.