Dealing With Anger and Guilt After a Suicide

After losing a loved one to suicide, it's not uncommon to struggle with feelings of anger and guilt. It's normal to feel anger towards your loved one who committed suicide at the same time that you feel overwhelming grief over your loss. They made a devastating choice that will impact the rest of your life, leaving you to pick up the pieces and deal with the aftermath. Who wouldn't be angry??
It's also normal to feel guilty after catching yourself feeling anger towards your loved one. What you feel guilty about is your anger. You are not angry at the person who committed suicide, you are angry about the choice they made to end their life, leaving you behind with all the pain and hurt.
You are angry at the choice, not the person. It was your loved one that made that choice, not you. Had you know that they were going to make that choice, you would have done what you could to stop it. But you didn't know..
 Accept that you can't change what happened and you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. If you are burdening yourself with misplaced guilt, you are confining yourself to an emotional prison.
These bars are made of guilt, anger, bitterness and resentment. That kind of prison locks from the inside. The only one that can let you out is you.
You wake up every morning and choose what to think. Accept what has happened and know that the life you have today, tomorrow and the next day is a function of what you choose.
You experienced a devastating loss, but you didn't choose it. Give yourself permission to move on. With time and patience, your initial grief will subside and with this resolve comes an opportunity for a deeper healing.  The transition of your loved one will bring about opportunities for emotional and psychological healing as well as spiritual growth. This spiritual growth may be just what you need to help ease your grieving heart and transform a difficult time into a spiritually meaningful experience.

Why You Can't Let Go of Your Grief

There are losses you never get over. They break you to pieces and you can never go back to being the whole person you once were. Your grief is your love, turned inside-out. That is why it is so deep. That is why it is so all-consuming. Your sadness seems bottomless, it is because your love knows no boundaries.
If your loved one died in a sudden or unexpected way, somewhere inside you is a voice asking what you might have done differently that would have changed what happened.
The truth is that the factors that influence the course of all our lives are much bigger  than what we did or did not do. To hold yourself accountable for any reason is to deny the greater context in which life happens, and this is a dangerous choice to make. It will eat a hole in your spirit that you can never fill.
You hang on to your grief to make sure you never forget your loved one. The sadness is all you have left and you begin to cherish it. That way, you will never forget. You hold your grief tightly within your body and feed it all the love you have left. So that it stays, so you can be closer to death yourself. It can never sneak up on you again, because it never left your doorstep.
So when you are expected back at work or at social events, you attend for others and pretend. You pretend it doesn't crush you when their birthday comes around or when you're at a holiday table glaring at an empty chair. You must not cry when at the grocery store when you buy the steaks that only your loved one ate.
The worst type of crying isn't the kind that everyone sees. No, the worst kind happens when your soul weeps no matter what you are doing. You don't expect it and you can't control it.
You are missing a piece of yourself that no one else can really see. You will never forget the love, the adventure, the grandiosity of the effect that our loved one had on your life and your character. 
But a time comes when you must move forward. One small step at at a time. Trust there is more ahead of you and your life truly does has meaning and purpose. Search for it. Search your soul and begin to cherish your new life. Move forward knowing you will never forget the most important thing that has happened to you. Ever..

Finding Your Sacred Place

One of the most frustrating things in life is having to deal with something that is out of your control. It may feel like you're giving up, but it's important to recognize when something is out of your hands, stressing over it is a waste of your time and energy. Just as fighting against the reality of the pain of losses in your life will only create suffering. Especially is you are a Type A personality; anything that doesn't go according to your plan may seem like a huge disaster. Take a moment to think about all of the times in your life when something unexpected led you to something great. Being more open to change and mistakes will allow you to see hidden blessings and take advantage of those opportunities. Look up and move forward.
Think of yourself as a boat. You are not affected by the water around you, but when the water gets inside the boat, it will start to sink.
Use this concept when you're trying to understand how to deal with your grief. The water around you represents all your negative thoughts and emotions. Some your own, others from those around you. It is when you allow the negativity to enter inside, you feel like you are sinking.                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Find a sacred place deep in your soul that is just for you and your personal peace and happiness. Like the water, all the negatives thoughts and feelings are around you and you must work at keeping them at bay. It is when you allow this negativity to enter your sacred place, you start to live out the negativity which keeps you from recovering from your pain and living a peaceful, happy life.
Remember that you grow from the experiences when you are down low in the valley. Just like a mountain, the higher you go, the less life around you.
Take the first step in learning to control your thoughts. Strive to always be in calm waters.
You CAN learn to be happy by relying on your sacred  place . It is just for you..

Men are Dying Because They Can't Talk

Every country in the world has seen male suicides outstrip female ones, and it's because men are silent and reluctant to seek help. The socialization of men is based on homophobia, sexism and pressure from media and peers who support these mindsets. From birth, they are told to be strong, to be unshakable, and never display any kind of sensitivity or weakness, lest you be branded "gay", "sad" or a variety of other disparaging prejudiced terms that are considered feminine and like a woman. Men are being taught to think that being open about their emotions and mental health is an engagement in identifying with a gender identity other than their own-men don't do this. Only women.
Men are taught that they have a Breaking Point, and that involves anything from a bar brawl to domestic violence.They are taught that violence is conflict resolution, and that uncorking themselves and venting is something that happens when it cannot be stopped, not when it can.
Mental health's biggest challenge is to get people to talk-to stop the silence. Silence is death. Silence is self-harm. Silence is smiling through your pain .Silence is not bravery when it comes to mental health. We need to address the mental health benefits and positive masculinity of men expressing themselves, whether it's social media discussion or the narrative of a TV show.
Toxic posts and books that suggest that men and women are simply "wired" differently suggest that women should cater to the emotional shortcoming of men in order to avoid conflict. This is a problem- it dismisses the mental illness issue and reinforces the male stereotype that men don't have real feelings.
This isn't about coming out about your mental health to your friends at the bar-there are actual, professional, free resources on the NHS  (National Health Service) that are available. Private mental health professionals are an option too. You can be healed while taking small steps towards being more open about how you feel outside the therapist' room.
Men do things because they want to be strong. To not die. To live. So talk. Seek help. Even quietly. Push back against stereotypes and prejudice that keep men silent. This goes for everyone, not just men.

Welcome to Your Breathing Space

Do you find yourself having a conversation with your grief even before you get out of bed in the morning? That is a sure sign that you're still prioritizing grief over life.You're welcoming the new day with grief in mind. When grief is the first experience of your day, fear will also join in.
It's important to find breathing space and  pay attention to life as soon as you wake up. Grab your coffee and go where you can spend ten minutes alone and in peace.
Welcome to your breathing space!
This space you're looking for-the place where you are alone-isn't really a physical location; it is a space within your body and mind that allows you to remove the weight of loss that you carry around with you. It is where you can set loss aside and think about your future.
A future where you feel alive, strong, grateful, compassionate, and loving.
Where is this place for you? If you recognize this place inside you, go there now. If not, find it. In your breathing space, you'll be called back to life. The more you practice finding it, the more the space will be with you all through your day. Just a breath away, if you need it..

The Opposite of Fear

"Love is the opposite of fear. The more we’re willing to love and trust who we are, the more we attract those qualities to ourselves. When we’re on a streak of really being frightened or upset or worried or not liking ourselves, isn’t it amazing how everything goes wrong in our lives? It’s the same when we really love ourselves. Everything starts to go on a winning streak, and we get the green lights and the parking spaces. We get up in the morning and the day flows beautifully." - Louise Hay