Grief and the Practice of Mindfulness

Everyone grieves differently so have different physical and emotional feelings during the grieving process. Grief can become a tool for an awakening to a greater understanding and insight into the truth of life. When someone we loves dies, it is almost like an initiation to that insight. As we experiences the intensity of physical and emotional anguish, it becomes so intense that there is no way to avoid the raw experience of human pain.
The more we can remain "open" and mindfully experience the pain of grief, the greater the possibility of overcoming its effects. Meditations can be extremely helpful during this time of bereavement. If we are mindful there is less tendency to delay the inevitable task of accepting the reality of the death and experiencing its pain. The more we avoids these tasks, the greater the tendency to experience disturbing emotions, thoughts, and develop avoidance behaviors that can linger indefinitely.
The best way to let go is to grieve. It takes courage to grieve, to honor the pain we carry. We can grieve in tears or in meditative silence, in prayer, or in song.
To mediate on grief, let yourself sit alone or with a friend. Take the time to create an atmosphere of support. Begin by sensing your breath. Feel your breathing in the area of your chest. Take one hand and hold it gently on your heart as if you were holding a vulnerable human being. You are.
As you continue to breathe, bring to mind the loss and pain you are grieving. Let the story, the images, the feelings come naturally. Hold them gently. Take your time. Let the feelings come layer by layer, a little at a time.
Keep breathing softly. Let whatever feelings are there; pain, tears, anger, love, fear and sorrow, come as they will. Touch them gently. Let them unravel out of your body and mind. Make space for any images that arise. Allow the whole story. Breathe and hold it all with compassion. Kindness for it all, for you and for others.
Hold it gently. Let it be honored. You do not have to keep it in anymore.
Processing the grief we carry is a long, tear-filled process. Yet it follows the natural intelligence of the body and heart. Trust it, and let it unfold. Along with meditation, some of your grief will want to be written, cried out, sung, and heard. As all this is done in time, it becomes evident that the experience of grief cannot be resolved by anyone other than the experiencer-  You.

"Facebook Depression" in Teens

"Facebook depression" is one of the risk factors that teens may face with overexposure to social media. It's an affliction that results from establishing a presence on social networking sites, spending a great deal of time on these sites and then feeling unaccepted among peers online. Similar to depression in the offline world due to lack of acceptance, Facebook depression can cause anxiety and withdrawal, as well as a propensity towards engaging in risky activities such as substance abuse and other self-destructive behaviors.
Studies have found that the interaction teens have on social networking sites is on the rise with 22% of teenagers logging onto their favorite social media sites more than 10 times a day!
 With 75% of teens owning cell phones, a large part of this generation's social and emotional development is occurring while on the Internet and on cell phones. Along with Facebook depression, other dangers of increased exposure to social media include cyberbullying, sexting, and exposure to inappropriate content.
There are many things a parent can do to help mitigate these risks:
First, no kids under the age of 13 should be on Facebook at all.
When your kids are of age, constant communication with them and getting familiar with their online habits as well as setting a good example of how to use social media is crucial.
Set ground rules for your kids. Shut it down at a required time daily.
Before you unplug all the computers in your house and cancel your Internet service, there are benefits of social media interaction including, developing a teen's sense of self, expansion of online connections and opportunities for community engagement. It's important to be a part of your child's social media world. It's not going away any time soon. In fact, the options will only expand.

Men are Dying Because They Can't Talk

Every country in the world has seen male suicides outstrip female ones, and it's because men are silent and reluctant to seek help. The socialization of men is based on homophobia, sexism and pressure from media and peers who support these mindsets. From birth, they are told to be strong, to be unshakable, and never display any kind of sensitivity or weakness, lest you be branded "gay", "sad" or a variety of other disparaging prejudiced terms that are considered feminine and like a woman. Men are being taught to think that being open about their emotions and mental health is an engagement in identifying with a gender identity other than their own-men don't do this. Only women.
Men are taught that they have a Breaking Point, and that involves anything from a bar brawl to domestic violence.They are taught that violence is conflict resolution, and that uncorking themselves and venting is something that happens when it cannot be stopped, not when it can.
Mental health's biggest challenge is to get people to talk-to stop the silence. Silence is death. Silence is self-harm. Silence is smiling through your pain .Silence is not bravery when it comes to mental health. We need to address the mental health benefits and positive masculinity of men expressing themselves, whether it's social media discussion or the narrative of a TV show.
Toxic posts and books that suggest that men and women are simply "wired" differently suggest that women should cater to the emotional shortcoming of men in order to avoid conflict. This is a problem- it dismisses the mental illness issue and reinforces the male stereotype that men don't have real feelings.
This isn't about coming out about your mental health to your friends at the bar-there are actual, professional, free resources on the NHS  (National Health Service) that are available. Private mental health professionals are an option too. You can be healed while taking small steps towards being more open about how you feel outside the therapist' room.
Men do things because they want to be strong. To not die. To live. So talk. Seek help. Even quietly. Push back against stereotypes and prejudice that keep men silent. This goes for everyone, not just men.

I'll Lend You a Child

"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine, he said."
For you to love-while he lives, and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years, or forty six or three, but will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He'll bring his smiles to gladden you, and should his stay be brief, You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise Beau will stay, since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I've looked this world over in search of teachers true, and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love, nor count the labor vain, Nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again?
I fancied that I heard then say, "Dear Lord, Thy will be done." For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter Beau with tenderness, we'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.

I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

Dying is not like you see on TV. It is not peaceful or prepared. It is too real.
You can never be fully prepared for the loss and the grief.
A hospital death is not always a bad death. A home death is not always a good death.
There will be pressure from others to move on, even minutes or hours after a death.
Death is not an emergency. Take your time to step back and say goodbye.
Be prepared for awkward encounters. Death makes people uncomfortable.
People will bring you food because they don't know what else to do. Don't feel bad throwing it away.
Death brings out the best and the worst in families. Be prepared.
There is no such thing as closure.
You will grieve, in some form, forever. That's okay.
Guilt, anger, and regret are all a normal part of grief.
Grief can make you question your life, your purpose, and your goals. This a a good thing.
However badly you think it is going to hurt, it may be a million times worse.
The last 24 hours of their lives will replay in your mind.
Trying to protect children from death and the emotions of grief isn't helpful.
You grieve your past, present, and future with that person.
Grief triggers are everywhere. This may lead to sudden outbursts of emotion.
You may lose yourself, your identity, meaning, purpose, values, and trust.
People will tell you what you should and shouldn't feel and how you should and shouldn't grieve. Ignore them.
It is normal to fell numb after it happens. The tears will come. They come in waves.
The practice of sending thank you notes after a funeral is a cruel and unusual tradition.
People love to judge how you are doing. Ignore them.
It is okay to cry. It is okay NOT to cry.
Time does NOT heal all wounds.
 Grief re-writes your address book. Sometimes the people you think will be there for you are not. People you never expect become your biggest supporters.
Nothing you do in the future will change your love for the person who died.
Face you emotions.You can avoid them for a while, but they will catch up with you in the end.

Beyond the Casserole

The greatest gift we can give a griever is our complete attention, which requires few words. Not just our mental attention but our intuitive attention as well, noticing body language, facial expressions, tears, sighs, and silence just as if they too are words. They don't expect earthshaking advice, but rather for you to be a witness to their own processes. A heart with ears.
 Let go of the desire to fix the other person or the need to make them feel better. All that inner attention robs the griever of your full attention. Deep listening replaces the fear of the "don't know what to say" syndrome. Just be present. Be a witness. Be the calm in the storm. Be willing to laugh when they need to laugh. Be willing to allow tears when they need to cry. Open your heart to the experience in spite of the possible pain. This type of support helps to create a sacred space for them to heal in their own way and in their own time. At a time when loneliness can be painfully intense, your visit may be their only source of peace.

The Grief Police (They Live Inside Your Head)

If you are grieving something, a lost opportunity, a loved one, the end of a relationship, failing health..whatever your are grieving, look at the rules that the grief police might be trying to enforce. Should you be over it by now? Will you be bringing up your loss every time we get together? Can you talk of nothing else, ever?
We each do grief in our own way...grief is personal and different and doesn't move in a predictable way through our lives...Know that there will be people that have a set of rules about the timeline of grief and don't allow those rules to beat yourself up.
The way you do grief is yours, you own it. It can't be measured by a book, an article, or anyone else.
Look at the ways you are drawn to grief. Are you a friend or family member of someone who is grieving? Just listen, show up, and have no judgement. Just listen... You can't fix it... And they don't want you to!